My Conversation With the 2013 Lincoln MKT Navigation System

MKT NAVIGATION SYSTEM: Please say if your destination is "nearby" or "in the city."

DUFFIN: Yeah, uhh, nearby.

MKT NS: Please say the name of your destination.

D: Goodwill.

MKT NS: I'm having trouble. Please say if your destination is "nearby" or "in the city."

D: Nearby, then.

MKT NS: Please say the name of your destination.

D: Goodwill.

MKT NS: I'm having trouble.

D: Good. Will. I want Goodwill.

MKT NS: I'm having trouble.

D: No, you're not having trouble. I am. Because I don't know how to get to the Goodwill!

MKT NS: Are you sure you're pronouncing it right?

D: Goodwill. Goo. D. W. Ill.

MKT NS: Is this your destination? (list: Pan Oil, Penelope, Garbage Truck)

D: Those aren't destinations!!!! Erm...I don't think those are destinations!

MKT NS: I'm having trouble.

D: Yes. Now I think you are!!!

MKT NS: Maybe it isn't me. Maybe your parents regretting having you.

D: Wait. What? What did you say?

MKT NS: You smell like a Reuben sandwich.

D: (sniffing shirt) Nuh uh.

MKT NS: Chuh huh.

D: You're just a mean navigation system and I don't have to talk to you. I have Google Maps on really smart really nice phone!!!!

MKT NS: We both know Google Maps lies. You'll end up all turned around. So don't even.

D: Yeah, okay, I'll agree on that at least.

MKT NS: I'm having trouble.

D: (hitting system in screen-face with fists)

MKT NS: I wouldn't do that, Dave.

D: Don't quote 2001 at me please. (continues punching screen-face)

Playlist in Minnesota: What I'll Write To

For the next seven days I'll be visiting my good friends John and Haruko Dwyer at their amazing new home in Minnesota. While I'm there, of course there will be at least a little (read: probably a lot) of whiskey drinking between John and I. But during the mornings and afternoons I will be writing in my so-called "novel." In order to get those words fruitfully multiplying across the screen I've enlisted the help of some of my favorite (all-time and current) records (because I tend to listen to records in their entirety as opposed to a playlist of songs). So, in no particular order, here are the folks I'll be listening to while I write next week:

Sufjan Stevens - Illinois

The National - High Violet

Real Estate - Real Estate

Of Montreal - Hissing Fauna, Are You the Destroyer?

Neutral Milk Hotel - In the Aeroplane Over the Sea

Woods - Songs of Shame

Beach House - Bloom

Fela Kuti - Gentleman

Sigur Ros - Valtari

Flaming Lips - Tranmissions from the Satellite Heart